Confidence.

The other day I was in the gym and I just had this super random almost epiphany like thought, and it made me want to write a mini post on confidence. Anyone who knows me well will know that I am not the most confident person in the world when it comes to self-belief or anything really ahah.

But in the gym the other day, there is this weights machine that I have wanted to try for ages but it has freaked me out because I've never used it before, what if I look stupid? This was my worry and I just walked over to it, pretended to know exactly what I was doing and used it, and you know what?! Not one person came up to me and told me I was an idiot or doing it wrong or looked stupid which is what I feared for so long. While I was using this machine I realised that actually, a year ago I wouldn't even be seen dead squatting in a gym incase I was doing it completely wrong and now I go in there and I'm doing RB crab walks and squats as warm ups and all sorts. So even though I may not feel majorly confident at the moment I have apparently improved significantly over the last year or so. 

When I used to think of confidence I just kind of said 'well I'm not confident' and that was that, but this tiny thing at the gym just got me thinking what actually is 'confidence'? What is that I've been dismissing and telling myself that I am not. Because actually my confidence in my decisions and myself has improved massively over the last few months - don't get me wrong there is still a tonne more room for growth, but I have begun to notice the little things. 

It's not just in the gym, it's in my uni work, class and just in myself. For the first time I actually put my hand up and answered a question in class (and got the right answer may I add), this will sound so ridiculous to some people but I remember it being commented on at school, so for me it was an achievement, even if I am 23. 

Here is a list of things I would not have done, even two years ago! 

❤ Squatted in a gym 

❤ Used any weight machines that are not cardio machines 

❤ Put my hand up in class to answer a question (I am not even joking) 

❤ Go to work/uni with no makeup on 

❤ Go to an exercise class alone 

I guess what I am trying to say in this completely long winded, random post is that sometimes, comparing yourself now to your past self can actually be quite nice, show yourself how much you've grown and changed. I get so caught up in comparing myself to other people or peoples' highlight reel on instagram that I forget to compare 2019 self to my past self- if any of that makes sense at all?

I don't know, I just wanted to write down some thoughts I have been having recently as that is what I wanted to use my blog for this time around!